The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
