Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
