I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
