The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
