Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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