Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
