It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
