I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize