this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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