I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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