he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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