Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
