she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
