Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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