At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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