I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
