Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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