i think my tv is drunk
Don't make out with my wife yet
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
