The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
