gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
