If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
