the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
