I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
