I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
