Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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