My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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