I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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