I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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