What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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