go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
