did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
