Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
