I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
