Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize