so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just want nice things and good sex
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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