How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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