just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
