If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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