I CAN MOONWALK!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
