the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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