if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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