I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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