"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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