You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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