OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
