laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
