I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
