but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
