I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
