My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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