After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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