Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize