First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
