My nipple is on Facebook.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
