I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
