I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
