No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
