even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Im part way to drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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