Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
