Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
