Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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