I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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