I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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