He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
