i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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