I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
