We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
