mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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