yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
