I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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