I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
