Moan for me like Helen Keller
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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