I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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