just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
