3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Small penises have feelings too.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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