Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
