i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
