well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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