saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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