which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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