They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize