Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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